The sex position both men and women secretly think is ‘one of the worst ever’

When it comes to sex positions, preferences vary widely. However, surveys and discussions about sexual satisfaction consistently show that one position divides opinion more than most: the 69 sex position.

While often portrayed as adventurous and mutually pleasurable, many adults report that it’s surprisingly difficult to enjoy in practice. If you’ve ever wondered why 69 doesn’t always live up to the hype, this guide breaks it down clearly and shows you how to improve your experience.

What Is the 69 Sex Position?

The 69 position involves two partners performing oral sex on each other simultaneously. In theory, it promises double pleasure. In reality, it introduces a challenge that many people struggle with:

Trying to give and receive pleasure at the same time.

And that’s where the problem starts.

The Core Issue: Multitasking During Intimacy

One of the biggest reasons people dislike the 69 position is simple: it splits attention.

Sexual pleasure often requires:

Focus
Relaxation
Sensory awareness
Emotional presence

When you’re concentrating on pleasing your partner, it can be hard to fully experience your own pleasure. On the flip side, when you’re trying to relax and receive stimulation, it’s difficult to stay mentally engaged in giving pleasure at the same time.

In short:
You can’t fully relax or fully focus.

This divided attention often reduces satisfaction for both partners.

Why Many Men Struggle With 69

For many men, oral sex is most enjoyable when it’s either:

Fully focused on giving pleasure, or
Fully focused on receiving pleasure

During 69, both happen simultaneously. That can create problems such as:

Difficulty concentrating on technique
Feeling overstimulated while trying to perform
Inability to relax enough to climax
Reduced enjoyment of either role

Sexual arousal tends to work best when mental focus aligns with physical sensation. When attention is split, arousal may drop instead of build.

Why Many Women Find 69 Frustrating

Research involving over 2,000 women found that nearly one in three listed the 69 position as their most disliked sex position. The primary reason? Lack of focus.

Common concerns include:

Difficulty concentrating on personal pleasure
Feeling distracted by performing oral sex
Inability to relax
Frustration due to reduced sexual buildup

For many women, especially those who require sustained stimulation to orgasm, mental immersion plays a huge role in satisfaction. When attention shifts constantly between giving and receiving, pleasure can feel diluted.

The Psychological Factor: Self-Consciousness

Another important issue is vulnerability.

The 69 position can feel physically exposing. That can trigger:

Body self-consciousness
Discomfort with close proximity
Anxiety about appearance or scent
Awkward positioning

When someone feels self-aware instead of relaxed, pleasure decreases. Sexual satisfaction thrives in comfort, not tension.

The Physical Reality

Beyond psychology, there are practical issues:

Jaw fatigue during oral sex
Awkward neck and body angles
Height mismatches between partners
Difficulty maintaining rhythm

Physical strain makes it harder to stay aroused and connected.

Why Some People Still Love It

Despite the criticism, the 69 position isn’t “bad.” It’s simply polarizing.

It can work well when:

The focus is on sensation, not climax
Partners are comfortable with each other
There’s good communication
It’s treated as playful exploration rather than performance

When expectations shift from “we must both orgasm” to “let’s enjoy the experience,” satisfaction tends to improve.

How to Make Oral Sex More Enjoyable (With or Without 69)

If 69 feels overwhelming, consider these practical alternatives:

1. Take Turns

One partner focuses entirely on giving, then switch. This allows:

Deeper relaxation
Better concentration
Stronger build-up

2. Communicate Clearly

Ask what feels good. Adjust pressure, speed, and rhythm. Feedback improves outcomes dramatically.

3. Remove Performance Pressure

Pleasure increases when climax isn’t the only goal. Focus on sensation and connection instead.

4. Modify the Position

Side-lying 69 can reduce strain and make the experience more relaxed compared to the traditional stacked version.

The Bigger Lesson About Sexual Satisfaction

No sex position works for everyone.

What matters most is:

Comfort
Communication
Focus
Mutual enjoyment

If something feels distracting, uncomfortable, or stressful, it’s okay to adjust or skip it. Sexual compatibility isn’t about copying what’s popular — it’s about discovering what genuinely works for you.

Final Takeaway

The 69 sex position often ranks among the most disliked sex positions not because it’s inherently flawed, but because it demands multitasking during an experience that thrives on focus.

If you struggle with it, you’re not alone. And if you enjoy it, that’s perfectly valid too.

The key to better intimacy isn’t the position, it’s attention, comfort, and clear communication.

That’s where real pleasure begins.

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